thesignaturething:

paulbogaards:

Hierarchy of Book Publishing
The Top 100
(circa 2012)

1). Brand-name authors (still)

• Stephen King (since 1974)
• John Grisham (1989)
• Patricia Cornwell (1990)
• Jodi Picoult (1992)
• Nicholas Sparks (1996)
• Jennifer Weiner (2001)
• Etc.

2). Self-published authors with proven track (developing)

• J.A. Konrath (since 2004)
• John Locke (2009)
• Amanda Hocking (2010)
• Brittany Geragotelis (2011)
• Etc.

3). Amy Einhorn’s hair™

4). Authors who have been to Heaven, met God

• Todd Burpo
• Tim Tebow

5). GEORGE R.R. MARTIN

• A Game of Thrones
• A chick who hatches dragons from her vagina
• I never meet women like this

6). Intern assigned to company twitter feed

7). Intern assigned to company tumblr feed

8). SUZANNE COLLINS

• The Hunger Games
• March 23, 2012

9). American Cheerleader Magazine

• See #2, Brittany Geragotelis

10). The Chairmen, Publishers, and Editor-in-Chiefs (still)

• Sonny Mehta, Knopf – handsome, smokes, drinks, spent time in Australian jail, rarely talks or responds to email
• Michael Pietsch, Little Brown – not as handsome as Sonny, practitioner of Bikram, mostly clean track with minor indiscretions (smoking a bone with Keith)
• Jonathan Galassi, FSG – complicated, a poet
• Karp, S&S – now wants to be addressed only by his last name, a real Yenta
• Do they have one at Harper Collins? (checking on this)
• Etc.

11). Literary Agents (still)

• Amanda Urban, aka, Binky: “I wouldn’t take that offer to my fucking maid.”
• Andrew Wylie, aka, The Jackal: “Surely ours was a misunderstanding.”
• Bill Clegg, aka, Stovepipe: “Bill is temporarily out of the office on business.”
• Etc.

Super long and insider-y for publishing nerds (I still needed to look a few things up, but at least I got the Stovepipe reference). Those of you who need to read the rest know who you are.

Oh god, I am DYING. Numbers 10 and 28, particularly.